As Phnom Penh wasn't secure in the first part of the 1990s, I'd a loaded Chinese type-64 gun in my own desk cabinet and an M-16 in the cupboard. Satan would come often and tempt me to use these tools to destroy myself. His terrible voice might mock and taunt at my failure. In the midst of the night, I'd abruptly get up and focus emptily to the darkness. A voice within my mind would tell me that Lord was through with me and had no importance of my ministry anymore.
Just like a person in a trance, I would go and sit at my workplace, turn on the table lamp, start the compartment and look at the pistol. The voice might then suggest that it might just take one bullet in the mouth to end my misery. Evening after evening, that wicked style endured even in the middle of my prayer. The temptation to get rid of everything was so excellent that certain night, I took out the Asian pistol and put it to my head. A voice claimed so it would be better to end it all. I thought that not just the complete Religious community had condemned me... and worse than that, I believed that even God did not need me any more.
I'd smudged and deserved to die! That style held ringing within my ears, pestering and pushing me to the deep night of that terrible night. Before I possibly could pull the trigger, still another higher voice instantly thundered through the noise of my sobbing. That voice was loud but gentle. That voice said that Lord hadn't abadndoned me if I weren't to stop on God.
For six decades, I put significantly work in to developing my supermarket and restaurant business. It wasn't all company for me. On the side, I applied the amount of money gained and established an orphanage with my wife and some friends. (Today this orphanage is among the greatest in Cambodia. Two other orphanages were to be recognized later). I'd become a legal Cambodian resident and had in the pipeline to reside out my earthly living in Cambodia. Like Moses, I was prepared to rough it out in this wilderness. Nevertheless, deep within my center, I still presented directly to the pastoral contact of God. The other time, six decades after finding used to being a "Cambodian", God chose to contact me back into "society ".
Lord sent Pastor Susan, an National minister from the outskirt of Pittsburgh, PA, to visit completely across the world to find me. Pastor Susan had never left USA before and did not need the faintest strategy wherever Cambodia was. She'd to find it on a map. Before she remaining for Cambodia, a word of prophecy was handed to her - her goal was to choose a person who'd look her straight in the eyes. When she found him, she was to contact him back to the ministry. She believed so it could be a simple mission. To her surprise, none of those people she achieved in Cambodia might hold her gaze. She remaining Cambodia without finishing her goal of locating the "looking" man. She had to come straight back the second time.
To slice the story small, when she achieved me at my cafe, not only did I search at her right in the eyes but the Sacred Nature shared with her that I was that "staring" man whom Lord had desired to restore. The Master knew that I could have questioned if He were to deliver someone from Asia. He had to send some one who had no method of knowing my past. This is the next time that He applied a person from a remote land to hold His information to me. The very first time was in 1982, when He named me in to the ministry. In those days, He sent an Australian woman to ensure the pastoral call.